Nothing is a coincidence. This is a sign: Yeliz Ruzgar at TEDxModaSalon 2014 (1)
Translator: Sylwia Magon Reviewer: Tanya Cushman
Hi!
How are you all doing?
You guys are good?
Awesome.
My name is Yeliz, and I'm very happy to be here.
And today, I'm going to talk about
"Nothing is a coincidence; this is a sign."
(Laughter)
Today is a very special day.
A very, very, very special day
because no one in this room came here by coincidence.
Think about it.
You made a decision in the past, and you followed it,
and you're here because of a decision you made.
Well,
I believe that there are no coincidences in life,
and your destiny's shaped at the time of your decisions.
In 2004,
I made a decision,
and I said I want to follow my soul's calling.
So I left my hometown, İzmir,
and I went to California.
All I can tell you is that it wasn't that easy.
I left all my possessions, my family, my friends
and the comfort zone of a stable corporate job,
you know what I mean?
(Audience) Yeah.
Eh, so there I was in California in this dream state of mine,
but I wasn't in my dream state in person.
Ah ... I was working part-time at a job that I didn't like at all.
And I was living with a friend -
I actually was sharing a small appartment with my friend.
I was literally living on the couch
so I could pursue my dream.
My dream was to do a PhD at UCLA so I can go out and help people.
Help them, support them,
so they can have a healthy, happy, wealthy life.
But I wasn't even close to it.
The only class I was able to take was just Psychology 1
because that was the money that I saved for three months.
So, as you can imagine, I wasn't in a very good shape.
I wasn't happy with my life, and I didn't know what to do.
So one morning, I woke up with this huge pain.
A lot of pain in my right ovary.
So I ended up being at the hospital.
And there I was lying, and all these doctors were around me,
and they were telling me that I had to have an operation,
otherwise I will die,
because I was having a bleeding cyst.
And I'm like, "Holy moly!"
I know, I'm not going to use the F word.
So, I was, like, shocked,
I didn't know what to do.
My mind was telling me:
How are you going to pay for this?
You don't even have health insurance.
You're barely paying your share in the house.
You're not even realizing your dream.
Should you go back to Turkey?
What am I going to do?
Well, if I don't do the surgery,
would holistic health be able to help it?
Would I be able to cure it by myself?
What's going to happen to me?
I didn't know.
And I was in pain,
and my mind was constantly talking and chattering and talking and chattering.
So I said, "Okay, I'll take a drive."
I don't know if anyone likes driving when their mind is chattering.
You know, like driving always relaxes me a lot.
It gives me this motion of moving forward when I am stuck in life.
So I was driving in my car,
the only thing that I had in Los Angeles, California.
So I'm on Robertson Boulevard.
Has anyone been to LA?
Maybe you know the street I'm talking about.
Cool, very cool.
So I'm driving on Robertson Boulevard,
and I'm crying.
And I'm crying like crazy because I don't know what to do.
And I'm crying and as I'm crying, I'm like,
"God! Please, show me a sign.
Just a small sign that everything's going to be okay,
that I'll be fine,
that I will be able to help people,
pursue my dream.
Just show me a small sign that everything 's going to be okay."
I'm crying and I'm driving,
and all of a sudden, I saw this big, red sign.
(Laughter)
And it said,
"Nothing is a coincidence. This is a sign."
I'm like, "What?"
(Laughter)
So my mind was telling me,
"Go, go, go! You've just seen an illusion; it wasn't real, you know.
If you haven't seen that, why keep on going?"
But my heart, thanks to my heart, had this pull, so I stopped.
So I pulled over the car, I got out of the car,
and I rushed to that place, and I'm looking around:
"Oh my God, what is this place?"
It happens to be a spiritual centre.
Interesting.
Not a religious one but a spiritual centre.
So I'm knocking the door and I'm like, "Come on!"
Like I'm hearing noises inside - I have to get inside, you know,
like this is my sign, oh my God!
But no one answered the door.
Hm, and I said, "Well, this is kind of interesting,
maybe it's not my lucky day."
So I started to walk towards my car,
and as I was walking,
a shiny object on the pavement got my eye.
And I'm like, "Ooh, what's that?"
So I went down and picked it up.
It was a coin.
It was a penny.
And at that time, I heard a man talking to me, and he said,
"Well, that's your lucky day. Look at you, you got your lucky penny."
And then he said, "I heard you knocking on the door.
Today is a special gathering at the centre, so it's closed,
but come back on Tuesday."
I'm like, "Oh, this is cool. I got my lucky penny.
I got my sign, so everything is going to be okay."
So I got back into my car, and then I went home.
And I couldn't wait for Tuesday, right?
Because I saw this sign.
Ask and you shall receive.
I asked for it and it arrived, but I didn't know what to do with it.
So next Tuesday, I was very excited and went back to the centre,
and it was the first class, introductory class.
You want to hear something crazy?
Crazier than this?
So I'm at this introductory class.
They handed us these books.
The books that they used for connection
and, you know, read it.
It gives you a peace of mind.
It's positive psychology, basically.
I picked up the book ...
When I was 13, when I was in İzmir,
I was using ferries to go from a side to the other side of the city.
And I found a book on the bench that I was sitting.
There was this black book.
I picked it up, and around those times,
I was always, like, opening the books from back to the front.
I don't know if anyone does that, but -
with the magazines and everything, I was starting from the back.
And this time, when I picked up this book, I started from the back,
and the back was its, actually, first page.
So the book was starting from the back.
I'm like, "Ooh, this is magical.
(Laughter)
What is this?"
So I looked inside.
It was decoded, you know, language that I didn't understand.
There were a little bit of English in it, but I put it to my bookshelf.
Basically, it became a shelf-help rather than a self-help for a long time.
Guess what?
The book that they gave us at the centre was exactly the same book.
How weird is that?
I'm like, "Ooh, this is interesting.
This is getting more interesting."
So I kept on studying with the centre, and I started to help people.
I started to go out and help homeless people.
I felt for them because I was there.
I'd been there.
I knew exactly how they were feeling.
And the more I went out and helped them, the more happy I got.
Hmm. Interesting.
So one day, as I'm going one of these connections -
thank you.
Do you remember this movie?
"Groundhog Day."
Well, for the ones that haven't seen it, Bill Murray, the main character,
is actually a very self-centered TV weatherman.
It's all about him,
it's all about "Me, me, me, me. I want this, I want that,"
and he's not very good with his people, like with his team, with women.
Oh my God, it's only him, right?
So he goes to the city, and in that city he gets stuck.
And every day, at six o'clock, 6:00, he wakes up with this song, the same song,
and he wakes up to the same day.
And he lives the same things every day
until,
until he transforms himself.
I believe that there are no coincidences.
I believe that each and every person come into our life for a reason.
And everything that happens to us,
they are there for us.
Life is happening for us.
It's not a coincidence.
And until we finish our process,
until we transform from me-consciousness into we-consciousness,
life is a process of transformation.
And how do I do that? Most probably you're asking that, right?
Well, most of you do know about Jung, right?
You heard of him?
Awesome.
He talks about shadows.
Basically, it's our own ego, our dark sides.
So transformation starts with me-consciousness,
finding about who we are and what are our bad sides.
And then, one by one,
transforming them into love, into light, in a way.
Dark into the light.
And in the movie, if you remember,
Bill's process finishes when he becomes friends with everyone.
When he starts helping other people, his process ends.
So it's all about
turning the me-consciousness into we-consciousness.
Eventually, it becomes one consciousness.
And when you start seeing others as a reflection of yourself -
actually, when you start to see you in me
and when I start to see me in you,
we become one.
One consciousness.
And at that time, there is no time.
It's just now. Here. Being present.
You know what?
The best present that you can give to someone
is actually your presence.
Being present with that person.
And when you're there,
love flows through your heart and reaches to others.
Ahh ...
This is exactly what happened with me too.
I found out about me, me, me, me, me.
And rather than me going and doing my PhD and realising my dream,
I decided to go out and help other people to realise their dreams.
And that's when the happiness came in.
Just like in the movie.
Bill finds his love of his life when he starts focusing on other people
and helping other people.
By coincidence, right,
in life, wherever I went,
whenever I was in trouble,
whenever I needed some fate or inspiration,
I said to myself, "Well, be grateful with what you have right now.
Whatever you have is exactly what you need,
and do whatever you can wherever you're at."
And with this attitude of gratitude, things and people started to come to me
rather than me running after them.
And yeah, didn't I have my bad times after that spiritual happening,
I-saw-the-sign thing?
Of course I did.
Then I asked for a sign, and guess what?
The ones who follow me on social media probably do know about these coins.
These lucky pennies, they come across me wherever I go:
Los Angeles, New York,
and exactly at the time that I need it the most.
Whenever I'm down and I'm totally out of inspiration,
where I'm scared,
I see something shining on the ground.
She knows.
Amsterdam.
And then New Jersey.
And then İzmir.
Rome.
Wherever I'm going, I'm finding these pennies.
These coins.
Sometimes I find Kuruş if I'm in Turkey, in Moda,
or wherever I'm at, their money.
And my friends, like, they always getting me these keychains
with these lucky pennies in it.
I'm like, "Great, another one, thank you."