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TED, Guy Winch: Why we all need to practice emotional first aid

Guy Winch: Why we all need to practice emotional first aid

I grew up with my identical twin, who was an incredibly loving brother. Now, one thing about being a twin is that it makes you an expert at spotting favoritism. If his cookie was even slightly bigger than my cookie, I had questions. And clearly, I wasn't starving. (Laughter)

0:39When I became a psychologist, I began to notice favoritism of a different kind, and that is how much more we value the body than we do the mind. I spent nine years at university earning my doctorate in psychology, and I can't tell you how many people look at my business card and say, "Oh, a psychologist. So not a real doctor," as if it should say that on my card. (Laughter) This favoritism we show the body over the mind, I see it everywhere.

1:20I recently was at a friend's house, and their five-year-old was getting ready for bed. He was standing on a stool by the sink brushing his teeth, when he slipped, and scratched his leg on the stool when he fell He cried for a minute, but then he got back up, got back on the stool, and reached out for a box of Band-Aids to put one on his cut. Now, this kid could barely tie his shoelaces, but he knew you have to cover a cut, so it doesn't become infected, and you have to care for your teeth by brushing twice a day. We all know how to maintain our physical health and how to practice dental hygiene, right? We've known it since we were five years old. But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health? Well, nothing. What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene? Nothing. How is it that we spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our minds. Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to us than our psychological health?

2:32We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness. And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways. And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques we could use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries, we don't. It doesn't even occur to us that we should "Oh, you're feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it's all in your head. " Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: "Oh, just walk it off; it's all in your leg. " (Laughter) It is time we closed the gap between our physical and our psychological health. It's time we made them more equal, more like twins.

3:26Speaking of which, my brother is also a psychologist. So he's not a real doctor, either. (Laughter) We didn't study together, though. In fact, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life is move across the Atlantic to New York City to get my doctorate in psychology. We were apart then for the first time in our lives, and the separation was brutal for both of us. But while he remained among family and friends, I was alone in a new country We missed each other terribly, but international phone calls were really expensive then and we could only afford to speak for five minutes a week. When our birthday rolled around, it was the first we wouldn't be spending together. We decide to splurge, and that week we would talk for 10 minutes. I spent the morning pacing around my room, waiting for him to call -- and waiting and waiting, but the phone didn't ring. Given the time difference, I assumed, "Ok, he's out with friends, he will call later. " There were no cell phones then. But he didn't. And I began to realize that after being away for over 10 months, he no longer missed me the way I missed him. I knew he would call in the morning, but that night was one of the saddest and longest nights of my life. I woke up the next morning I glanced down at the phone, and I realized I had kicked it off the hook when pacing the day before. I stumbled out off bed, I put the phone back on the receiver, and it rang a second later, and it was my brother, and, boy, was he pissed. (Laughter) It was the saddest and longest night of his life as well. Now I tried to explain what happened, but he said, "I don't understand. If you saw I wasn't calling you, why didn't you just pick up the phone and call me? " He was right. Why didn't I call him? I didn't have an answer then, but I do today,and it's a simple one: loneliness.

5:42Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do. It make us really afraid to reach out, because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache when your heart is already aching more than you can stand? I was in the grips of real loneliness back then, but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me. But loneliness is defined purely subjectively It depends solely on whether you feel emotionally or socially disconnected from those around you. And I did. There is a lot of research on loneliness, and all of it is horrifying. Loneliness won't just make you miserable, it will kill you. I'm not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent.Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol. It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases. In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together, chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your longterm health and longevity as cigarette smoking. Now cigarette packs come with warnings saying, "This could kill you" But loneliness doesn't. And that's why it's so important that we prioritize our psychological health, that we practice emotional hygiene. Because you can't treat a psychological wound if you don't even know you're injured. Loneliness isn't the only psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and misleads us.

7:39Failure does that as well. I once visited a day care center, where I saw three toddlers play with identical plastic toys. You had to slide the red button, and a cute doggie would pop out. One little girl tried pulling the purple button, then pushing it, and then she just sat back and looked at the box, with her lower lip trembling. The little boy next to her watched this happen, then turned to his box and and burst into tears without even touching it. Meanwhile, another little girl tried everything she could think of until she slid the red button, the cute doggie popped out, and she squealed with delight So three toddlers with identical plastic toys, but with very different reactions to failure. The first two toddlers were perfectly capable of sliding a red button. The only thing that prevented them from succeeding was that their mind tricked them into believing they could not. Now, adults get tricked this way as well, all the time. In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks.

8:54Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure? You need to be. Because if your mind tries to convince you you're incapable of something and you believe it, then like those two toddlers, you'll begin to feel helpless and you'll stop trying too soon, or you won't even try at all. And then you'll be even more convinced you can't succeed. You see, that's why so many people function below their actual potential.Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure convinced them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it

9:26Once we become convinced of something, it's very difficult to change our mind. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was a teenager with my brother. We were driving with friends down a dark road at night,when a police car stopped us. There had been a robbery in the area and they were looking for suspects.The officer approached the car, and he shined his flashlight on the driver, then on my brother in the front seat, and then on me. And his eyes opened wide and he said, "Where have I seen your face before? "(Laughter) And I said, "In the front seat. " (Laughter) But that made no sense to him whatsoever. So now he thought I was on drugs. (Laughter) So he drags me out of the car, he searches me, he marches me over to the police car, and only when he verified I didn't have a police record, could I show him I had a twin in the front seat. But even as we were driving away, you could see by the look on his face he was convinced that I was getting away with something

10:33Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced. So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail. But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can't succeed. You have to fight feelings of helplessness. You have to gain control over the situation. And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins. Our minds and our feelings, they're not the trustworthy friends we thought they were. They are more like a really moody friend, who can be totally supportive one minute, and really unpleasant the next. I once worked with this woman who after 20 years marriage and an extremely ugly divorce, was finally ready for her first date. She had met this guy online, and he seemed nice and he seemed successful, and most importantly, he seemed really into her So she was very excited, she bought a new dress, and they met at an upscale New York City bar for a drink. Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says, "I'm not interested," and walks out. Rejection is extremely painful. The woman was so hurt she couldn't move. All she could do was call a friend. Here's what the friend said: "Well, what do you expect? You have big hips, you have nothing interesting to say,why would a handsome, successful man like that ever go out with a loser like you? " Shocking, right, that a friend could be so cruel? But it would be much less shocking if I told you it wasn't the friend who said that. It's what the woman said to herself. And that's something we all do, especially after a rejection. We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings, what we wish we were, what we wish we weren't, we call ourselves names. Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it And it's interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting. Why would we want to go and damage it even further? We wouldn't make a physical injury worse on purpose. You wouldn't get a cut on your arm and decide, "Oh, I know! I'm going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it. " 12:51But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.Because we don't prioritize our psychological health. We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety, that failures and rejections hurt more and it takes longer to recover from them. So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp. When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend. We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them

One of unhealthiest and most common is called rumination. To ruminate means to chew over. It's when your boss yells at you, or your professor makes you feel stupid in class, or you have big fight with a friend and you just can't stop replaying the scene in your head for days, sometimes for weeks on end. Ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit, and it's a very costly one. Because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at significant risk for developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease.

14:21The problem is the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really important, so it's a difficult habit to stop. I know this for a fact, because a little over a year ago, I developed the habit myself. You see, my twin brother was diagnosed with stage III non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. His cancer was extremly aggressive.He had visible tumors all over his body. And he had to start a harsh course of chemotherapy. And I couldn't stop thinking about what he was going through. I couldn't stop thinking about how much he was suffering, even though he never complained, not once. He had this incredibly positive attitude. His psychological health was amazing. I was physically healthy, but psychologically I was a mess. But I knew what to do. Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment. And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought, I forced myself to concentrate on something else until the urge passed. And within one week, my whole outlook changed and became more positive and more hopeful Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy, my brother had a CAT scan, and I was by his side when he got the results. All the tumors were gone. He still had three more rounds of chemotherapy to go, but we knew he would recover. This picture was taken two weeks ago.

16:04By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive. A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.

16:42Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was psychologically healthier? If there were less loneliness and less depression? If people knew how to overcome failure? If they felt better about themselves and more empowered? If they were happier and more fulfilled? I can, because that's the world I want to live in, and that's the world my brother wants to live in as well. And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well, that's the world we can all live in.

17:17Thank you very much

17:19 (Applause)

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Guy Winch: Why we all need to practice emotional first aid Guy|||||||||| |Guy Winch||||||||| |Winch (nome)|||||||emocional||ajuda emocional ||||||||||sự hỗ trợ |温奇|||||||情感||急救 |||||||||першої| ||||||||||primeros auxilios emocionales Guy Winch: Warum wir alle emotionale Erste Hilfe leisten müssen Guy Winch: Winch: Γιατί όλοι πρέπει να εξασκούμε τις συναισθηματικές πρώτες βοήθειες Guy Winch: Why we all need to practice emotional first aid Guy Winch: Por qué todos necesitamos practicar primeros auxilios emocionales Guy Winch : Pourquoi nous devons tous pratiquer les premiers secours émotionnels ガイ・ウィンチなぜ私たちは感情的な応急処置を実践する必要があるのか Guy Winch: Dlaczego wszyscy musimy ćwiczyć pierwszą pomoc emocjonalną? Guy Winch: Porque é que todos nós precisamos de praticar os primeiros socorros emocionais Гай Винч: Почему нам всем необходимо практиковать эмоциональную первую помощь Guy Winch: Neden hepimiz duygusal ilk yardım pratiği yapmalıyız? 盖伊·温奇:为什么我们都需要练习情感急救 蓋伊溫奇:為什麼我們都需要練習情緒急救

I grew up with my identical twin, who was an incredibly loving brother. ||||||双胞胎|||||充满爱的| |büyüdüm||||||||||| |||||gêmeo idêntico|irmão gêmeo||||incrivelmente|amoroso| |||||jednojajowy||||||| |||||близнюк||||||| Crecí con mi gemelo idéntico, que era un hermano increíblemente amoroso. J'ai grandi avec mon jumeau identique, qui était un frère incroyablement aimant. 我和我的同卵双胞胎长大,他是一个非常爱我的兄弟。 Now, one thing about being a twin is that it makes you an expert at spotting favoritism. ||||作为||双胞胎||||让|||专家||识别|偏袒 |||||||||||||||identificar|favoritismo |||||||||||||||identificar| |||||||||||||ekspert||dostrzeganiu| ||||||||||||||||thiên vị Ahora, una cosa acerca de ser un gemelo es que te hace un experto en detectar el favoritismo. Le fait d'être un jumeau fait de vous un expert en matière de favoritisme. 现在,作为一个双胞胎有一件事是,你会成为发现偏爱的专家。 If his cookie was even slightly bigger than my cookie, I had questions. |||||稍微|更大||||||疑问 ||cookie|||||||||| ||biscoito|||um pouco||||||| ||ciastko|||||||||| |||||ligeramente||||||| Si su galleta era incluso un poco más grande que mi galleta, tenía preguntas. 如果他的饼干稍微比我的饼干大一点,我就会有疑问。 And clearly, I wasn’t starving. |显然||没有|饿得要命 ||||morrendo de fome ||||głodny Y claro, no me estaba muriendo de hambre. 显然,我并没有饥饿。 (Laughter) (笑声)

0:39When I became a psychologist, I began to notice favoritism of a different kind, and that is how much more we value the body than we do the mind. ||||心理学家|||||偏袒||||||||||||||身体|||||心智 |||||||||favoritism||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||faworyzowanie||||||||||||||||||| ||||psicólogo|||||||||||||||||||||||| 0: 39Cuando me convertí en psicólogo, comencé a notar un favoritismo de un tipo diferente, y eso es lo mucho más que valoramos el cuerpo que lo que hacemos con la mente. 0:39Lorsque je suis devenue psychologue, j'ai commencé à remarquer un favoritisme d'une autre nature, à savoir que nous accordons beaucoup plus d'importance au corps qu'à l'esprit. 0:39 Когда я стал психологом, я стал замечать фаворитизм другого рода, а именно то, насколько больше мы ценим тело, чем разум. 0:39当我成为心理学家时,我开始注意到另一种偏爱,那就是我们对身体的重视远远超过对心灵的重视。 I spent nine years at university earning my doctorate in psychology, and I can’t tell you how many people look at my business card and say, "Oh, a psychologist. ||||||获得||博士学位||心理学||||||||||||名片||||||心理学家 ||||||obtaining||PhD|||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||doctorado|||||||||||||||||||| ||||||obtendo||doutorado|||||não posso||||||||||||||| ||||||||докторська ступінь|||||||||||||||||||| Pasé nueve años en la universidad obteniendo mi doctorado en psicología, y no puedo decirle cuánta gente mira mi tarjeta de presentación y dice: "Oh, un psicólogo. 我在大学花了九年时间获得心理学博士学位,我无法告诉你有多少人看着我的名片说:“哦,心理学家。” So not a real doctor," as if it should say that on my card. ||||医生||||||||| Also kein richtiger Arzt", als ob das auf meiner Karte stehen sollte. Así que no soy un verdadero médico, "como si dijera eso en mi tarjeta. “所以不是个真正的医生,”就好像我的名片上应该写这个一样。 (Laughter) This favoritism we show the body over the mind, I see it everywhere. смеяться||||||||||||| ||favoritismo||||||||||| ||偏袒||||身体||||||| (Risas) Este favoritismo que mostramos el cuerpo sobre la mente, lo veo en todas partes. (笑声) 我们对身体偏袒而忽视心灵的这种偏见,我到处都能看到。

1:20I recently was at a friend’s house, and their five-year-old was getting ready for bed. |最近||||||||||||准备||| |||||a friend's||||||||||| |recentemente|||||||||||||||para dormir 1: 20 Hace poco estuve en la casa de un amigo y su hijo de cinco años se estaba preparando para ir a la cama. 1:20Je me trouvais récemment chez un ami dont l'enfant de cinq ans se préparait à aller au lit. 我最近在朋友家,他们的五岁孩子正准备上床睡觉。 He was standing on a stool by the sink brushing his teeth, when he slipped, and scratched his leg on the stool when he fell He cried for a minute, but then he got back up, got back on the stool, and reached out for a box of Band-Aids to put one on his cut. ||站在|||||||刷牙||牙齿|||摔倒||擦伤了||腿|||凳子|||||哭了|||||||爬||||||那个|||伸手||||||||||||| |||||step stool|||||||||fell||scratched||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||stołek|||zlewie||||||||otarł|||||||||||||||||wstał|||||||||||||||||||||| |||||taburete|||fregadero||||||resbaló||rasguñó||||||||cayó||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||banquinho|||pia de lavar|escovando|||||escorregou||arranhou|||||||||||||um minuto|||||||||||||estendeu-se|||||||curativos adesivos||||||corte Estaba parado en un taburete junto al fregadero, lavándose los dientes, cuando resbaló, y se rascó la pierna en el taburete cuando cayó. Lloró por un minuto, pero luego se levantó, volvió al taburete y buscó Una caja de Band-Aids para poner una en su corte. Il était debout sur un tabouret près de l'évier en train de se brosser les dents, lorsqu'il a glissé et s'est égratigné la jambe sur le tabouret en tombant. Il a pleuré pendant une minute, puis il s'est relevé, est remonté sur le tabouret et a tendu la main vers une boîte de pansements pour en mettre un sur sa coupure. 他站在洗手池旁的凳子上刷牙,结果滑倒了,摔倒时擦伤了腿。他哭了一分钟,但之后又站起来,重新上了凳子,伸手去拿一盒创可贴给伤口贴上。 Now, this kid could barely tie his shoelaces, but he knew you have to cover a cut, so it doesn’t become infected, and you have to care for your teeth by brushing twice a day. ||||几乎不能|系||鞋带|||知道||||包扎||伤口|||||感染|||||||||||两次|| |||||||shoe strings||||||||||||||contaminated||||||||||||| ||||mal|dar um nó||cadarços|||sabia|||||||||||infectada||||||||||||| |||mógł||||sznurowadła|||||||zakryć|||||||||||||||||||| |||||||cordones||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Ahora, este niño apenas podía atarse los cordones de sus zapatos, pero sabía que tenía que cubrir un corte, para que no se infecte, y tiene que cuidar sus dientes cepillándose dos veces al día. Так вот, этот ребенок едва мог завязать шнурки, но он знал, что вы должны прикрыть порез, чтобы он не заразился, и вы должны заботиться о своих зубах, чистя их два раза в день. 现在,这个孩子几乎不会系鞋带,但他知道要覆盖伤口,以免感染,还要每天刷牙两次来保护牙齿。 We all know how to maintain our physical health and how to practice dental hygiene, right? |||||保持|||健康||||保持|口腔的|| ||||||||||||||oral care| |||||manter|||saúde física|||||higiene dental|higiene dental| Todos sabemos cómo mantener nuestra salud física y cómo practicar la higiene dental, ¿verdad? 我们都知道如何保持身体健康,以及如何进行口腔卫生,对吧? We’ve known it since we were five years old. Lo sabemos desde que teníamos cinco años. 我们从五岁起就知道这些。 But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health? ||||||保持||心理健康|心理健康 ||||||manter||psicológica| Pero, ¿qué sabemos acerca de mantener nuestra salud psicológica? 但我们对如何保持心理健康了解多少呢? Well, nothing. What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene? |||教||||情感的|情感卫生 ||||||||higiene emocional Nothing. How is it that we spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our minds. |||||花|||||||牙齿|||||心智 我们花更多时间照顾牙齿,而不是关心我们的心理,这到底是为什么? Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to us than our psychological health? ||||||||||||||||心理健康| ¿Por qué nuestra salud física es mucho más importante para nosotros que nuestra salud psicológica? 我们的身体健康为何对我们来说比心理健康更重要?

2:32We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness. |承受|心理上的|伤害|||||||身体的||伤害||失败||拒绝||孤独 |||urazy||||||||||||||| |suportamos||lesões|||||||físicas||||fracasso||rejeição||solidão |зазнаємо||||||||||||||||| 2: 32Sustentamos lesiones psicológicas incluso más a menudo que las físicas, lesiones como el fracaso o el rechazo o la soledad. 2:32Nous subissons des blessures psychologiques encore plus souvent que des blessures physiques, des blessures comme l'échec, le rejet ou la solitude. 2:32 Doświadczamy urazów psychicznych nawet częściej niż fizycznych, takich jak porażka, odrzucenie czy samotność. 2:32 Мы получаем психологические травмы даже чаще, чем физические, травмы, такие как неудача, отвержение или одиночество. 我们遭受心理创伤的频率往往更高于身体创伤,比如失败、被拒绝或孤独。 And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways. |||||更糟|||忽视|||||影响||||戏剧性的| |||||piorar|||ignorar|||||afetar||||dramáticas| 如果我们忽视它们,它们也可能变得更糟,并且可能会以戏剧性的方式影响我们的生活。 And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques we could use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries, we don’t. ||||||科学上|经过验证的|技术|||||治疗||这些种类||心理上的|伤害|| |||embora|||cientificamente|comprovadas cientificamente||||||tratar||||||| Y, sin embargo, a pesar de que existen técnicas científicamente probadas que podríamos usar para tratar este tipo de lesiones psicológicas, no lo hacemos. 然而,尽管有经过科学验证的技术可以用来治疗这些类型的心理创伤,我们却不这样做。 It doesn’t even occur to us that we should "Oh, you’re feeling depressed? ||||||||||||抑郁 |||приходить||||||||| |||ocorre|||||||||deprimido Ni siquiera se nos ocurre que deberíamos "Oh, ¿te sientes deprimido? 我们甚至没有想到我们应该‘哦,你感到抑郁吗?’ Just shake it off; it’s all in your head. ||||||||头脑中 |afasta||||||| Sólo sacúdalo; Todo está en tu cabeza. Po prostu się otrząśnij; to wszystko jest w twojej głowie. 就抖掉它吧;这完全在你的脑海中。 " Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: "Oh, just walk it off; it’s all in your leg. ||想象一下||||某人||||||||||||||腿部 ||imagina|||||||||||||||||| "¿Te imaginas decirle eso a alguien con una pierna fracturada?" Oh, simplemente aléjate; todo está en tu pierna "Pouvez-vous imaginer dire cela à quelqu'un qui s'est cassé la jambe : "Oh, marchez, c'est tout ce que vous avez dans la jambe. " Czy możesz sobie wyobrazić, że mówisz to komuś ze złamaną nogą? "Och, po prostu chodź; to wszystko w twojej nodze. " 你能想象对一个腿骨折的人说:"哦,别管它,走过去就好了;这完全在你的腿上。 " (Laughter) It is time we closed the gap between our physical and our psychological health. ||||||||||身体的|||心理健康| risada|||||||||||||| "(Risas) Es hora de cerrar la brecha entre nuestra salud física y psicológica. "Il est temps de combler le fossé entre notre santé physique et notre santé psychologique. " (笑声)是时候缩小我们身体健康和心理健康之间的差距了。 It’s time we made them more equal, more like twins. ||||||平等|||双胞胎 ||||||mais iguais|||gêmeos |||||bardziej||||bliźniakami

3:26Speaking of which, my brother is also a psychologist. 说到这个||||||||心理学家 falando|||||||| 3: 26 Hablando de eso, mi hermano también es psicólogo. So he’s not a real doctor, either. ||||||也 (Laughter) We didn’t study together, though. risada|||||embora (Risas) Aunque no estudiamos juntos. (笑) 不过我们没有一起学习。 In fact, the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life is move across the Atlantic to New York City to get my doctorate in psychology. |||最难的||||||||||横跨||大西洋||||||||博士学位||心理学 |||a mais difícil||||||||||||||||||||doutorado|| De hecho, lo más difícil que he hecho en mi vida es mudarme por el Atlántico a la ciudad de Nueva York para obtener mi doctorado en psicología. En fait, la chose la plus difficile que j'ai faite dans ma vie est de traverser l'Atlantique pour me rendre à New York afin d'obtenir mon doctorat en psychologie. 事实上,我一生中做过的最难的事情就是跨越大西洋搬到纽约市去获得我的心理学博士学位。 We were apart then for the first time in our lives, and the separation was brutal for both of us. ||分开|||||||||||分离|||||| |estávamos|separados|||||||||||separação||brutal||ambos nós|| 那时我们人生中第一次分开,这段分离对我们俩来说都是残酷的。 But while he remained among family and friends, I was alone in a new country We missed each other terribly, but international phone calls were really expensive then and we could only afford to speak for five minutes a week. |而||待在|与||||||||||||想念|||||国际的|电话||||||||||负担得起|||||五分钟|| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||mogliśmy||||||||| |||ficou|entre||||||||||||sentimos falta|||terrivelmente||internacionais||as chamadas|eram||||||||podíamos pagar||||||| Pero mientras él permanecía entre familiares y amigos, estaba solo en un nuevo país. Nos echábamos mucho de menos, pero las llamadas internacionales eran realmente caras y solo nos podíamos permitir hablar por cinco minutos a la semana. 但当他与家人和朋友在一起时,我却独自在一个新国家。我们非常想念彼此,但当时国际电话费真的很贵,我们每周只能负担得起五分钟的通话。 When our birthday rolled around, it was the first we wouldn’t be spending together. |||到来|到来||||||||度过| |||||||el|||||| |||chegou|chegou a vez||||||||| Cuando llegó nuestro cumpleaños, fue el primero que no gastaríamos juntos. Lorsque notre anniversaire est arrivé, c'était le premier que nous ne passions pas ensemble. 当我们的生日到来的时候,这是我们第一次不会一起庆祝。 We decide to splurge, and that week we would talk for 10 minutes. |||indulge|||||||| |||esbanjar dinheiro|||||||| |||奢侈消费||||||||分钟 |||derrochar|||||||| |||потратити|||||||| |||szaleć|||||||| Decidimos derrochar, y esa semana hablaríamos durante 10 minutos. Nous décidons de faire des folies et, cette semaine-là, nous parlerons pendant 10 minutes. 我们决定奢侈一下,那一周我们将通话10分钟。 I spent the morning pacing around my room, waiting for him to call -- and waiting and waiting, but the phone didn’t ring. ||||walking back and forth||||||||||||||||| ||||andando de um lado para o outro||||||||||||||||| ||||踱步||||||||||等待||||||| ||||paseando||||||||||||||||| |||ранок|||||||||||||||||| ||||chodząc w kół||||||||||||||||| Pasé la mañana caminando por mi habitación, esperando a que lo llamara, y esperando y esperando, pero el teléfono no sonaba. 我整上午在房间里来回踱步,等着他打电话——等啊等,电话就是不响。 Given the time difference, I assumed, "Ok, he’s out with friends, he will call later. |||时差||假设||||||||| |||||presumi||||||||| 考虑到时差,我想,"好吧,他和朋友出去,稍后会打电话的。" " There were no cell phones then. |havia|||| "那时候没有手机。 But he didn’t. And I began to realize that after being away for over 10 months, he no longer missed me the way I missed him. ||||意识到|||||||||||想念|||||想念| Y comencé a darme cuenta de que después de estar ausente por más de 10 meses, ya no me extrañaba como yo lo extrañaba. 我开始意识到,离开超过10个月之后,他不再像我想念他那样想念我。 I knew he would call in the morning, but that night was one of the saddest and longest nights of my life. |||||||||||||||最悲伤的|||||| |||||||||||||||most sorrowful|||||| |||||||||||||||más tristes|||||| |||||||||||||||mais triste||mais longa|||| Sabía que me llamaría por la mañana, pero esa noche fue una de las noches más tristes y largas de mi vida. 我知道他早上会打电话,但那晚是我生命中最悲伤、最长的夜晚之一。 I woke up the next morning I glanced down at the phone, and I realized I had kicked it off the hook when pacing the day before. |||||||looked||||||||||||||||||| |acordei||||||olhei rapidamente||||||||||derrubei||||fora do gancho||andando de um lado para o outro||| |||||||瞥了一眼|||||||意识到|||||||听筒||走来走去||| |||||||rzuciłem okiem||||||||||||||słuchawka||||| |||||||поглянув||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||gancho||||| Me desperté a la mañana siguiente. Miré el teléfono y me di cuenta de que lo había descolgado al pasear el día anterior. Je me suis réveillé le lendemain matin, j'ai jeté un coup d'œil au téléphone et j'ai réalisé que je l'avais décroché en faisant les cent pas la veille. Obudziłem się następnego ranka, spojrzałem w dół na telefon i zdałem sobie sprawę, że wyłączyłem go podczas spaceru poprzedniego dnia. Проснувшись на следующее утро, я взглянул на телефон и понял, что скинул его с крючка, расхаживая накануне. 第二天早上我醒来,看了一眼电话,才意识到我在前一天踱步时把它踢掉了。 I stumbled out off bed, I put the phone back on the receiver, and it rang a second later, and it was my brother, and, boy, was he pissed. ||||||||||||receiver|||rang|||||||||||||angry |saí|||||||||||suporte do telefone||||||||||||||||irritado |跌跌撞撞地||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||auricular||||||||||||||||enojado ||||||||||||||||||||||||||був|| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||wkurzony Me tropecé fuera de la cama, puse el teléfono en el auricular, y sonó un segundo más tarde, y era mi hermano, y, muchacho, estaba enojado. J'ai trébuché hors du lit, j'ai remis le téléphone sur le récepteur, et il a sonné une seconde plus tard, et c'était mon frère et, mon garçon, était-il énervé. 我从床上跌出来,把电话放回听筒上,一秒钟后它又响了,是我哥哥,天哪,他真的很生气。 (Laughter) It was the saddest and longest night of his life as well. (笑声) 这是他一生中最悲伤和漫长的夜晚。 Now I tried to explain what happened, but he said, "I don’t understand. 现在我试着解释发生了什么,但他说:"我不明白。" If you saw I wasn’t calling you, why didn’t you just pick up the phone and call me? 如果你看到我没有打电话给你,为什么你不直接接电话打给我? " He was right. 他是对的。 Why didn’t I call him? 我为什么没有打电话给他? I didn’t have an answer then, but I do today,and it’s a simple one: loneliness. |||||||||||||||самотність |||||||||||||||solidão 当时我没有答案,但今天我有了,而且答案很简单:孤独。

5:42Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. |||||herida|||||||confunde|| ||||||||warps||||confuses|| |||||ferida psicológica|||distorce||percepções||confunde|| ||||psychologiczna||||zniekształ||||miesza|| ||||||||||||làm rối loạn|| 5: 42La soledad crea una profunda herida psicológica, que distorsiona nuestras percepciones y revuelve nuestro pensamiento. La solitude crée une blessure psychologique profonde, qui déforme nos perceptions et brouille notre pensée. 5:42Samotność tworzy głęboką psychologiczną ranę, która zniekształca naszą percepcję i miesza nasze myślenie. 孤独造成了深深的心理创伤,这种创伤扭曲了我们的感知,混乱了我们的思维。 It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do. Nos hace creer que a los que nos rodean les importa mucho menos de lo que realmente les importa. Elle nous fait croire que ceux qui nous entourent se soucient beaucoup moins de nous qu'ils ne le font en réalité. 它使我们相信周围的人对我们的关心远远低于他们实际的关心。 It make us really afraid to reach out, because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache when your heart is already aching more than you can stand? ||||||||||||||||dolor||||||doliendo|||||soportar ||||||||||||||||pain||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||bólu serca||||||cierpiące||||| ||||||estender a mão|entrar em contato|||||||||dor emocional||||||doendo|||||suporta Nos da mucho miedo acercarnos, porque ¿por qué prepararte para el rechazo y la angustia cuando tu corazón ya duele más de lo que puedes soportar? Cela nous fait vraiment peur de tendre la main, car pourquoi vous préparer au rejet et au chagrin d'amour alors que votre cœur vous fait déjà plus mal que vous ne pouvez le supporter? 这让我们真的害怕去接触,因为当你的心已经痛得无法忍受时,为什么要让自己面临拒绝和心碎? I was in the grips of real loneliness back then, but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me. ||||grasp||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||ніколи||| ||||garras|||solidão verdadeira||||||cercado||||||||me ocorreu|| ||||grilletes||||||||||||||||||| ||||władaniu|||||||||||||||||nie przyszło mi do|| En aquel entonces estaba en una situación de verdadera soledad, pero estaba rodeado de gente todo el día, por lo que nunca se me ocurrió. J'étais en proie à une vraie solitude à l'époque, mais j'étais entouré de gens toute la journée, donc cela ne m'est jamais venu à l'esprit. 那时我确实感受到了真正的孤独,但我整天被人包围,因此我从未想到过。 But loneliness is defined purely subjectively It depends solely on whether you feel emotionally or socially disconnected from those around you. |||||subjectively||||||||||||||| |||||subjetivamente||||||||||||||| |||definida|puramente|de forma subjetiva|||apenas||se|||emocionalmente||socialmente|desconectado|||| Pero la soledad se define puramente subjetivamente. Depende únicamente de si se siente desconectado emocional o socialmente de quienes lo rodean. Samotność jest jednak definiowana czysto subiektywnie i zależy wyłącznie od tego, czy czujesz się emocjonalnie lub społecznie odłączony od otaczających Cię osób. 但孤独是纯粹主观的定义,它完全取决于你是否感到与周围的人在情感或社交上脱节。 And I did. Y lo hice. There is a lot of research on loneliness, and all of it is horrifying. |||||||||||||horripilante |||||pesquisa||solidão||||||horrível |||||||||||||жахливим Hay mucha investigación sobre la soledad, y todo eso es horroroso. 关于孤独的研究很多,所有这些研究都令人毛骨悚然。 Loneliness won’t just make you miserable, it will kill you. a solidão||||||||| La soledad no solo te hará miserable, te matará. 孤独不仅会让你痛苦,它还会杀死你。 I’m not kidding. No estoy bromeando. 我不是在开玩笑。 Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent.Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol. |||||||||||||||||colesterol crônica||||probabilidade||||||||causa|||||colesterol elevado La soledad crónica aumenta su probabilidad de muerte prematura en un 14 por ciento. La soledad causa presión arterial alta y colesterol alto. La solitude chronique augmente de 14 % la probabilité d'une mort prématurée. La solitude est à l'origine de l'hypertension artérielle et de l'hypercholestérolémie. 慢性孤独感使你早亡的可能性增加14%。孤独感会导致高血压和高胆固醇。 It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases. ||suppress|||||||||||||||| ||suspende||funcionamento do|||sistema imunológico||||vulnerável a|||||doenças||doenças Incluso suprime el funcionamiento de su sistema inmunológico, haciéndolo vulnerable a todo tipo de enfermedades. Il supprime même le fonctionnement de votre système immunitaire, ce qui vous rend vulnérable à toutes sortes de maladies et d'affections. 它甚至抑制你的免疫系统功能,使你更容易受到各种疾病的侵害。 In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together, chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your longterm health and longevity as cigarette smoking. |||||||||||||||||sức khỏe lâu dài|||||| |||||||||||||||||long-term|||lifespan||| ||os cientistas||concluído||||||representa||um risco significativo|||||saúde a longo prazo|||longevidade||| De hecho, los científicos han llegado a la conclusión de que, en conjunto, la soledad crónica representa un riesgo tan importante para su salud a largo plazo como para fumar cigarrillos. En fait, les scientifiques ont conclu que, dans l'ensemble, la solitude chronique présente un risque aussi important pour la santé et la longévité à long terme que le tabagisme. На самом деле, ученые пришли к выводу, что хроническое одиночество в совокупности представляет такой же значительный риск для вашего здоровья и долголетия, как и курение сигарет. 事实上,科学家们已经得出结论,综合来看,慢性孤独感对你长期健康和长寿的风险与吸烟同样重要。 Now cigarette packs come with warnings saying, "This could kill you" But loneliness doesn’t. |||||advertencias|||||||| ||packs|||warnings|||||||| |||||ostrzeżenia|||||||| ||maços de cigarro|||advertências|||||||| Ahora los paquetes de cigarrillos vienen con advertencias que dicen: "Esto podría matarte", pero la soledad no lo hace. 现在的香烟包装上都有警告,说:“这可能会杀了你”,但孤独不会。 And that’s why it’s so important that we prioritize our psychological health, that we practice emotional hygiene. ||||||||priorizamos||||||||higiene emocional Y es por eso que es tan importante que prioricemos nuestra salud psicológica, que practiquemos la higiene emocional. 这就是为什么我们要把心理健康放在首位,练习情感卫生是如此重要。 Because you can’t treat a psychological wound if you don’t even know you’re injured. ||||||ferida psicológica|||||||ferido |||||psychologiczną|||||||| Porque no puedes tratar una herida psicológica si ni siquiera sabes que estás herido. 因为如果你甚至不知道自己受伤了,就无法治疗心理创伤。 Loneliness isn’t the only psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and misleads us. |||||||||||làm sai lệch| |||||||||||misguides| |||||||||||wprowadza w b| |||||||distorce||||enganar| La soledad no es la única herida psicológica que distorsiona nuestras percepciones y nos engaña. La solitude n'est pas la seule blessure psychologique qui déforme nos perceptions et nous induit en erreur. 孤独不是唯一一种扭曲我们感知和误导我们的心理创伤。

7:39Failure does that as well. 7: 39El fracaso también hace eso. 7:39 失败也是如此。 I once visited a day care center, where I saw three toddlers play with identical plastic toys. ||||||||||||||相同的|| |||||||||||young children||||| |||||||||||niños pequeños||||| |||||||||||as crianças|||idênticos||brinquedos de plástico |||||||||||małe dzieci||||| Una vez visité un centro de cuidado diurno, donde vi a tres niños jugar con juguetes de plástico idénticos. 我曾经参观过一个托儿所,在那里我看到三个幼儿玩着一模一样的塑料玩具。 You had to slide the red button, and a cute doggie would pop out. ||||||||||chó con||| ||||||||||puppy||| |||deslizar|||||||perrito||| |||deslizar|||botão|||fofo|cachorrinho|apareceria|surgiría| Tenías que deslizar el botón rojo, y un perrito lindo saldría. Il fallait faire glisser le bouton rouge et un adorable toutou apparaissait. Trzeba było przesunąć czerwony przycisk, a wyskakiwał słodki piesek. 你需要滑动红色按钮,然后一只可爱的小狗就会出现。 One little girl tried pulling the purple button, then pushing it, and then she just sat back and looked at the box, with her lower lip trembling. |||||||||||||||||||||||||lip|quivering |||||||||||||||||||||||||labio|temblando ||||||roxo|||empurrando||||||||||||||||lábio|tremendo ||||||||||||||||||||||||||drżącą Una pequeña niña trató de apretar el botón púrpura, luego lo presionó, y luego se recostó y miró la caja, con el labio inferior temblando. Une petite fille a essayé de tirer sur le bouton violet, puis de le pousser, avant de s'asseoir et de regarder la boîte, la lèvre inférieure tremblante. Jedna mała dziewczynka próbowała pociągnąć za fioletowy przycisk, potem go nacisnąć, a potem po prostu usiadła i patrzyła na pudełko z drżącą dolną wargą. 一个小女孩试着拉紫色按钮,然后再次按下去,最后她只是坐回去看着盒子,嘴唇下颚抖动。 The little boy next to her watched this happen, then turned to his box and and burst into tears without even touching it. ||||||||||||||||explodiu em||em lágrimas|sem sequer||tocar| El niño pequeño a su lado vio que esto sucedía, luego se volvió hacia su caja y rompió a llorar sin siquiera tocarla. 旁边的小男孩目睹了这一切,然后转过身来面对自己的盒子,甚至没有碰它就哭了起来。 Meanwhile, another little girl tried everything she could think of until she slid the red button, the cute doggie popped out, and she squealed with delight So three toddlers with identical plastic toys, but with very different reactions to failure. ||||||||||||deslizó|||||||||||gritó|||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||pushed down|||||||||||squealed|||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||przesunęła|||||||wyskoczył||||piszczała|||||||||||||||| Enquanto isso||||||||||até que||pressionou|||||||||||gritou de alegria||com prazer|||três crianças pequenas||||||||||| Mientras tanto, otra niña intentó todo lo que pudo pensar hasta que ella deslizó el botón rojo, la perrita salta y chilla de alegría. Tres niños pequeños con juguetes de plástico idénticos, pero con reacciones muy diferentes al fracaso. Pendant ce temps, une autre petite fille a essayé tout ce à quoi elle pouvait penser jusqu'à ce qu'elle fasse glisser le bouton rouge, le mignon toutou sortit et elle poussa un cri de joie. Donc, trois bambins avec des jouets en plastique identiques, mais avec des réactions très différentes à l'échec. W międzyczasie inna mała dziewczynka próbowała wszystkiego, co przyszło jej do głowy, aż wcisnęła czerwony przycisk, słodki piesek wyskoczył, a ona piszczała z zachwytu Tak troje maluchów z identycznymi plastikowymi zabawkami, ale z bardzo różnymi reakcjami na porażkę. 与此同时,另一个小女孩试尽了她能想到的一切,直到她滑动了红色按钮,可爱的小狗跳了出来,她兴奋地尖叫。因此,三个拿着相同塑料玩具的幼儿对失败的反应截然不同。 The first two toddlers were perfectly capable of sliding a red button. ||||||||sliding||| ||||||||przesuwania||| |||as crianças pequenas|||capazes||deslocar||| Первые два малыша прекрасно умели нажимать на красную кнопку. 前两个幼儿完全能够滑动红色按钮。 The only thing that prevented them from succeeding was that their mind tricked them into believing they could not. ||||||||||||engañó|||||| |||||||succeed||||||||||| ||||||||||||oszukała|||||| ||||impediu||||||||enganou|||crer que||| Lo único que les impidió tener éxito fue que su mente los engañó haciéndoles creer que no podían. 阻止他们成功的唯有他们的思维欺骗他们,让他们相信自己不能这样做。 Now, adults get tricked this way as well, all the time. |os adultos||||||||| Ahora, los adultos también son engañados de esta manera, todo el tiempo. 现在,成年人也总是以这种方式被欺骗。 In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks. ||||||||||||||||||frustrations||challenges ||||||padrão||||||||ativado|sempre que|||frustrações||contratempos De hecho, todos tenemos un conjunto predeterminado de sentimientos y creencias que se activan cada vez que nos encontramos con frustraciones y contratiempos. En fait, nous avons tous un ensemble de sentiments et de croyances par défaut qui se déclenchent chaque fois que nous rencontrons des frustrations et des revers. 事实上,我们都有一套默认的情感和信念,当我们遇到挫折和困难时会被触发。

8:54Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure? ||consciente||||||| 你知道你的心智是如何对失败作出反应的吗? You need to be. Necesitas ser. 你需要这样做。 Because if your mind tries to convince you you’re incapable of something and you believe it, then like those two toddlers, you’ll begin to feel helpless and you’ll stop trying too soon, or you won’t even try at all. ||||||convencer|||incapaz|||||||||||as crianças pequenas|||||desamparado||||||||||||| Porque si tu mente trata de convencerte de que eres incapaz de algo y lo crees, entonces, como esos dos niños pequeños, comenzarás a sentirte indefenso y dejarás de intentarlo demasiado pronto, o incluso no lo intentarás. . 因为如果你的头脑试图说服你,你无法做到某件事,而你又相信了它,那么就像那两个幼儿一样,你会开始感到无助,并且会过早停止尝试,甚至根本不尝试。 And then you’ll be even more convinced you can’t succeed. |||||||||ter sucesso Y entonces estarás aún más convencido de que no puedes tener éxito. 然后你会更加相信自己无法成功。 You see, that’s why so many people function below their actual potential.Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure convinced them that they couldn’t succeed, and they believed it ||||||||||||||ao longo|||||||||||||||| Verá, esa es la razón por la que tantas personas funcionan por debajo de su potencial real. Debido a que en algún momento del camino, a veces un solo fracaso los convenció de que no podían tener éxito, y lo creyeron 你看,这就是为什么很多人未能发挥他们的实际潜力。因为在某个时候,有时一次失败让他们相信自己无法成功,他们便相信了这一点。

9:26Once we become convinced of something, it’s very difficult to change our mind. 9: 26Una vez que nos convencemos de algo, es muy difícil cambiar de opinión. 一旦我们相信了某件事,很难改变我们的想法。 I learned that lesson the hard way when I was a teenager with my brother. |||||||||||adolescente||| Aprendí esa lección de la manera más difícil cuando era adolescente con mi hermano. 我在青少年时期和我的兄弟一起学习了这个教训,代价不小。 We were driving with friends down a dark road at night,when a police car stopped us. 我们晚上和朋友在一条黑暗的道路上开车时,被一辆警车拦住了。 There had been a robbery in the area and they were looking for suspects.The officer approached the car, and he shined his flashlight on the driver, then on my brother in the front seat, and then on me. |||||||||||||||||||||chiếu||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||suspects||||||||directed light||flashlight||||||||||||||| ||||robo|||||||||sospechosos||||||||iluminó||linterna||||||||||||||| ||||roubo|||||||||suspeitos|||aproximou-se de|||||iluminou||lanterna elétrica||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||podejrzani|||||samochód|||świecił||latarka|||||||brat|||||||| Hubo un robo en el área y estaban buscando sospechosos. El oficial se acercó al auto, y alzó su linterna al conductor, luego a mi hermano en el asiento delantero y luego a mí. Il y avait eu un vol dans le secteur et ils cherchaient des suspects. L'officier s'est approché de la voiture et il a braqué sa lampe de poche sur le conducteur, puis sur mon frère sur le siège avant, puis sur moi. 附近发生了抢劫案,他们在寻找嫌疑犯。警察走到车边,用手电筒照了照司机,然后照了照坐在前座的我哥哥,最后照了照我。 And his eyes opened wide and he said, "Where have I seen your face before? ||||amplamente|||||||||| Y abrió mucho los ojos y dijo: "¿Dónde he visto tu cara antes? 他的眼睛睁得很大,说:"我在哪里见过你的脸?" "(Laughter) And I said, "In the front seat. "(Risas) Y dije," En el asiento delantero. "(笑)我说,"在前排座位上。 " (Laughter) But that made no sense to him whatsoever. ||||||||一点也不 ||||||||nenhuma mesmo ||||||||zupełnie wcale "(Risas) Pero eso no tenía sentido para él en absoluto. "(Rires) Mais cela n'avait aucun sens pour lui. (Смех) Но это не имело для него никакого смысла. "(笑)但这对他来说完全没有意义。 So now he thought I was on drugs. Así que ahora él pensaba que yo estaba en las drogas. Il pensait donc que j'étais droguée. 所以现在他认为我是在吸毒。 (Laughter) So he drags me out of the car, he searches me, he marches me over to the police car, and only when he verified I didn’t have a police record, could I show him I had a twin in the front seat. |||kéo||||||||||dẫn||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||pulls|||||||searches|||escorts||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||me arrastra||||||||||me lleva|||||||||||verificó|||||||||||||||||| |||puxa|||||||revista|||me leva|||||||||||verificou||||||antecedentes criminais|||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||sprawdził|||||||||||||||||| (Risas) Así que me arrastra fuera del auto, me busca, me marcha hacia el auto de la policía, y solo cuando verificó que no tenía un registro policial, podría mostrarle que tenía una gemela en el frente. asiento. (Rires) Il me sort de la voiture, me fouille, m'emmène vers la voiture de police et ce n'est que lorsqu'il a vérifié que je n'avais pas de casier judiciaire que j'ai pu lui montrer que j'avais un jumeau sur le siège avant. (Смех) Он вытаскивает меня из машины, обыскивает, ведет к полицейской машине, и только когда он убедится, что у меня нет полицейского досье, я могу показать ему, что у меня впереди близнец. сиденье. (笑) 他把我拖出车外,搜身,然后把我带到警车旁,直到他确认我没有犯罪记录,我才可以告诉他我在前座有一个双胞胎。 But even as we were driving away, you could see by the look on his face he was convinced that I was getting away with something Pero incluso mientras nos alejábamos, podías ver por la expresión de su cara que estaba convencido de que me estaba escapando con algo. Mais même lorsque nous sommes partis, on pouvait lire sur son visage qu'il était convaincu que j'étais en train de m'enfuir avec quelque chose Но даже когда мы уезжали, по выражению его лица было видно, что он был уверен, что мне что-то сходит с рук. 但即使我们开车离开,你也可以从他的表情中看出他确信我在逃避什么。

10:33Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced. 10: 33 Nuestra mente es difícil de cambiar una vez que nos convencemos. 10:33 一旦我们变得确信,我们的思维就很难改变。 So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail. ||||||||discouraged and defeated||||| ||||||||desmoralizado||derrotado||| Por lo tanto, podría ser muy natural sentirse desmoralizado y derrotado después de que fracases. Naturalne jest więc, że po porażce czujemy się zdemoralizowani i pokonani. But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can’t succeed. Pero no puedes permitirte convencerte de que no puedes tener éxito. 但你不能让自己相信你无法成功。 You have to fight feelings of helplessness. ||||||powerlessness ||||||impotencia ||||||impotência ||||||bezsilności Tienes que luchar contra los sentimientos de impotencia. Vous devez combattre les sentiments d'impuissance. 你必须对无助的感觉进行斗争。 You have to gain control over the situation. Вы должны получить контроль над ситуацией. 你必须控制局势。 And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins. ||||||||negativo|||| Y tienes que romper este tipo de ciclo negativo antes de que comience. 而你必须在这种负面循环开始之前打破它。 Our minds and our feelings, they’re not the trustworthy friends we thought they were. ||||||||reliable||||| ||||||||confiáveis||||| Nuestras mentes y nuestros sentimientos, no son los amigos de confianza que creíamos que eran. 我们的思想和感受,并不是我们想象中值得信赖的朋友。 They are more like a really moody friend, who can be totally supportive one minute, and really unpleasant the next. ||||||temperamental||||||||||||| ||||||temperamental||||||||||||| ||||||temperamental||||||solidário|||||desagradável|| ||||||humorystyczny||||||||||||| Son más como un amigo realmente malhumorado, que puede ser totalmente de apoyo en un minuto, y realmente desagradable al siguiente. Ils ressemblent plus à un ami vraiment maussade, qui peut être totalement solidaire une minute, et vraiment désagréable la suivante. 它们更像是一个情绪变化无常的朋友,可能在某一刻非常支持你,而在下一刻又非常不愉快。 I once worked with this woman who after 20 years marriage and an extremely ugly divorce, was finally ready for her first date. ||||||||||||||legal separation||||||| |||||||||casamento|||||||||||| Una vez trabajé con esta mujer que después de 20 años de matrimonio y un divorcio extremadamente feo, finalmente estaba lista para su primera cita. 我曾和一个女人共事,她在经历了20年的婚姻和一场极其丑陋的离婚后,终于准备好第一次约会了。 She had met this guy online, and he seemed nice and he seemed successful, and most importantly, he seemed really into her So she was very excited, she bought a new dress, and they met at an upscale New York City bar for a drink. |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||elegante||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||high-end||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||ekskluzywn||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||comprou|||||||||elegante||||||| Ella había conocido a este tipo en línea, y él parecía agradable y parecía exitoso, y lo más importante, parecía realmente interesado en ella. Estaba muy emocionada, compró un vestido nuevo y se conocieron en un bar exclusivo de Nueva York para tomar una copa. . Elle avait rencontré ce type en ligne, et il avait l'air sympa, il avait l'air d'avoir du succès, et surtout, il avait l'air de vraiment l'aimer. Elle était donc très excitée, elle a acheté une nouvelle robe, et ils se sont retrouvés dans un bar huppé de New York pour boire un verre. 她在网上认识了一个男孩,他看起来不错,也很成功,最重要的是,他似乎对她很感兴趣。因此,她非常兴奋,买了一件新裙子,他们在纽约市的一家高档酒吧见面喝酒。 Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says, "I’m not interested," and walks out. Diez minutos después de la fecha, el hombre se pone de pie y dice: "No estoy interesado", y se marcha. 约会进行到十分钟时,那个男士站起来说:"我对你没兴趣," 然后走了出去。 Rejection is extremely painful. |||dolorosa 拒绝是极其痛苦的。 The woman was so hurt she couldn’t move. La mujer estaba tan herida que no podía moverse. 这个女人受伤得无法动弹。 All she could do was call a friend. Todo lo que podía hacer era llamar a un amigo. 她能做的只是打电话给朋友。 Here’s what the friend said: "Well, what do you expect? Voici ce que l'ami a répondu : "Eh bien, à quoi t'attends-tu ? 朋友说了什么:"嗯,你期待什么呢?" You have big hips, you have nothing interesting to say,why would a handsome, successful man like that ever go out with a loser like you? |||hips|||||||||||||||||||||| |||caderas|||||||||||||||||||||| |||quadris||||||||||bonito|||||||||||| Tienes grandes caderas, no tienes nada interesante que decir, ¿por qué un hombre así de guapo y exitoso saldría con un perdedor como tú? Tu as de grosses hanches, tu n'as rien d'intéressant à dire, pourquoi un homme beau et prospère comme lui sortirait-il avec une perdante comme toi ? 你臀部很大,你没有什么有趣的事情可以说,像那样英俊、成功的男人为什么会和你这样的失败者约会呢? " Shocking, right, that a friend could be so cruel? ||||||||cruelmente "Sorprendente, ¿verdad, que un amigo pueda ser tan cruel? "令人震惊,对吧,一个朋友竟然可以如此残忍?" But it would be much less shocking if I told you it wasn’t the friend who said that. ||||||surpreendente|se eu|||||||||| Pero sería mucho menos impactante si te dijera que no fue el amigo quien dijo eso. 但如果我告诉你这不是那个朋友说的,你会觉得少一些震惊。 It’s what the woman said to herself. Es lo que la mujer se dijo a sí misma. 这是那个女人自言自语的话。 And that’s something we all do, especially after a rejection. ||||||especialmente||| Y eso es algo que todos hacemos, especialmente después de un rechazo. 这是我们所有人都会做的事,尤其是在被拒绝之后。 We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings, what we wish we were, what we wish we weren’t, we call ourselves names. |||||||defeitos||||deficiências|||||||||||||| Todos comenzamos a pensar en todas nuestras fallas y todos nuestros defectos, lo que deseamos ser, lo que deseamos no ser, nos llamamos nombres. Nous commençons tous à penser à nos défauts et à nos lacunes, à ce que nous aimerions être, à ce que nous aimerions ne pas être, nous nous traitons de tous les noms. Wszyscy zaczynamy myśleć o wszystkich naszych wadach i niedociągnięciach, o tym, kim chcielibyśmy być, a kim nie, nazywamy siebie imionami. 我们都开始思考自己的缺点和不足,想我们希望成为的样子和不希望成为的样子,我们给自己贴上标签。 Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it And it’s interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting. |||severamente|||||||||||||||||| |||de forma severa|||||||||||||||autoestima||| |||surowo|||||||||||||||samoocena||| |||сильно|||||||||||||||||| Quizás no tan severamente, pero todos lo hacemos Y es interesante que lo hagamos, porque nuestra autoestima ya está sufriendo. 也许不是这么苛刻,但我们都这样做。有趣的是,我们会这样做,因为我们的自尊心已经在受到伤害。 Why would we want to go and damage it even further? |||||||prejudicar||ainda|ainda mais ¿Por qué querríamos ir y dañarlo aún más? Pourquoi voudrions-nous l'endommager davantage ? Dlaczego mielibyśmy chcieć go jeszcze bardziej uszkodzić? 为什么我们还想进一步伤害它呢? We wouldn’t make a physical injury worse on purpose. ||||||||故意 ||||||||de propósito No haríamos una lesión física peor a propósito. Мы бы не стали намеренно усугублять физическую травму. 我们不会故意让身体伤害变得更糟。 You wouldn’t get a cut on your arm and decide, "Oh, I know! No te cortarías el brazo y decidirías: "¡Oh, lo sé! 你不会在手臂上受伤后决定,"哦,我知道了! I’m going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it. |||wziąć||nóż||||||||| 我可以拿把刀看看我能把伤口弄多深。 " 12:51But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. "12: 51Pero lo hacemos con lesiones psicológicas todo el tiempo. " 12:51但我们总是对心理伤害这么做。 Why? 为什么? Because of poor emotional hygiene.Because we don’t prioritize our psychological health. ||||higiene emocional||||damos prioridade||| Debido a la mala higiene emocional. Porque no priorizamos nuestra salud psicológica. 因为情感卫生差。因为我们不把心理健康放在优先位置。 We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety, that failures and rejections hurt more and it takes longer to recover from them. |||几十|||||||||||||||压力||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||setbacks||dismissals|||||||||| |||||||||ja||||||||||||||porażki|||||||||||| |||dezenas||estudos|||||autoestima||||||vulnerável|||||ansiedade||as falhas||||||||||recuperar-se|| |||||||||||||||||||||||||rechazos|||||||||| 我们从许多研究中知道,当你的自尊心较低时,你会更容易受到压力和焦虑的影响,失败和拒绝会带来更大的伤害,恢复的时间也会更长。 So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp. |||||||||||||||||||||||||||mush ||||||||||||||revivir|||||||||golpear||||pulpa ||||||||||||||reviver|||autoestima||||||||||uma polpa |||||||||||||||||||||||||||papkę Entonces, cuando te rechacen, lo primero que deberías hacer es revivir tu autoestima, no unirte al Club de Lucha y derrotarlo. Ainsi, lorsque vous êtes rejeté, la première chose à faire est de raviver votre estime de soi, de ne pas rejoindre Fight Club et de le battre en pâte. 所以,当你被拒绝时,你首先应该做的是恢复自尊,而不是加入战斗俱乐部并把它打成肉酱。 When you’re in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend. ||||||yourself|||||||||||| ||||||||||compaixão|||||||| 当你在情感上感到痛苦时,要以你所期望的真正好朋友的方式对待自己。 We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them |||||não saudáveis||hábitos psicológicos||| |||atrapar|||||||

One of unhealthiest and most common is called rumination. ||most unhealthy||||||repeated thinking ||o mais insalubre||||||ruminação mental ||không lành mạnh nhất||||||sự suy ngẫm ||||||||ruminacja ||||||||румінація ||más poco saludable||||||ruminación Eine der ungesündesten und häufigsten ist das sogenannte Grübeln. Una de las más insanas y comunes es la llamada rumiación. La rumination est l'une des plus malsaines et des plus courantes. 其中最不健康和最常见的叫做反刍。 To ruminate means to chew over. ||||咀嚼| |think deeply|||| |ruminar|||| |ruminar|||mastigar mentalmente| ||||przeżuwać| 反刍意味着反复思考。 It’s when your boss yells at you, or your professor makes you feel stupid in class, or you have big fight with a friend and you just can’t stop replaying the scene in your head for days, sometimes for weeks on end. ||||shouts||||||||||||||||||||||simply only|||reliving|||||||||||| ||||grita|||||||||estúpido||||||||||||||||||cena|||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||phát lại|||||||||||| |||老板|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||krzyczy||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||reproduciendo|||||||||||| C'est quand votre patron vous crie dessus, ou votre professeur vous fait vous sentir stupide en classe, ou vous vous disputez avec un ami et vous ne pouvez tout simplement pas arrêter de rejouer la scène dans votre tête pendant des jours, parfois des semaines. 当你的老板对你大吼,或者你的教授在课堂上让你觉得自己很愚蠢,或者你和朋友之间发生了激烈的争吵,而你就是无法停止在脑海中反复回放这场场景,持续几天,有时甚至几个星期。 Ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit, and it’s a very costly one. Thinking deeply||||||||||||||||| ruminando||||||||||||||||| ruminando||perturbadoras||||||||||||||caro| Rozmyślanie||||||||||||||||| Es kann leicht zur Gewohnheit werden, auf diese Weise über beunruhigende Ereignisse zu grübeln, und das ist sehr kostspielig. Reflexionar sobre los eventos perturbadores de esta manera puede convertirse fácilmente en un hábito, y es muy costoso. 以这种方式反思令人不快的事件很容易变成一种习惯,而这种习惯代价很高。 Because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at significant risk for developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease. ||||||||||消极||||||||重大|风险|||||酗酒|||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||alcohol abuse|||||heart-related| ||||||||||||||||||significativa||||||alcoolismo||transtornos alimentares|||cardiovascular|doença cardiovascular Debido a que al dedicar tanto tiempo a los pensamientos negativos y perturbadores, en realidad se está poniendo en un riesgo significativo de desarrollar depresión clínica, alcoholismo, trastornos de la alimentación e incluso enfermedades cardiovasculares. 因为花费如此多的时间专注于令人不快和消极的思想,实际上使您面临着严重的风险,可能导致临床抑郁症、酗酒、饮食失调,甚至心血管疾病。

14:21The problem is the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really important, so it’s a difficult habit to stop. ||||impulso||refletir sobre|||||||||||||| 14: 21El problema es que la necesidad de rumiar puede sentirse realmente fuerte y realmente importante, por lo que es un hábito difícil de detener. 14:21 Le problème, c'est que l'envie de ruminer peut sembler très forte et très importante, et qu'il est donc difficile de se débarrasser de cette habitude. 问题在于反思的冲动可能感觉非常强烈和重要,因此很难停止这种习惯。 I know this for a fact, because a little over a year ago, I developed the habit myself. Sé esto a ciencia cierta, porque hace poco más de un año, yo mismo desarrollé el hábito. 我对此有确凿的事实,因为在一年前多一点,我自己养成了这个习惯。 You see, my twin brother was diagnosed with stage III non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. ||||||||||||ung thư bạch huyết |||||||||||Hodgkin's lymphoma|lymphoma ||||||||||||chłoniak ||||||diagnosticado|||||linfoma não-Hodgkin|linfoma não-Hodgkin ||||||||||||淋巴瘤 Verá, a mi hermano gemelo le diagnosticaron linfoma no Hodgkin en estadio III. Mon frère jumeau s'est vu diagnostiquer un lymphome non hodgkinien de stade III. 你知道,我的双胞胎兄弟被诊断为III期非霍奇金淋巴瘤。 His cancer was extremly aggressive.He had visible tumors all over his body. |||rất||||||||| |||extremely||||||||| |||extremadamente||||||||| |câncer||extremamente|agressiva|||visíveis|tumores|||| 他的癌症极其侵袭性。他的身体上到处都是可见的肿瘤。 And he had to start a harsh course of chemotherapy. |||||||||cancer treatment ||||||rigoroso|||quimioterapia rigorosa 他不得不开始一个严格的化疗课程。 And I couldn’t stop thinking about what he was going through. ||||||||||passando por Y no podía dejar de pensar en lo que estaba pasando. 我无法停止思考他正在经历的事情。 I couldn’t stop thinking about how much he was suffering, even though he never complained, not once. |||||||||sofrendo||embora|||reclamou|| 我无法停止思考他有多么痛苦,尽管他从不抱怨,甚至一次也没有。 He had this incredibly positive attitude. ||||positiva|atitude positiva 他拥有非常积极的态度。 His psychological health was amazing. 他的心理健康非常好。 I was physically healthy, but psychologically I was a mess. |||||psicologicamente||||um caos 我身体健康,但心理上却一团糟。 But I knew what to do. Pero yo sabía qué hacer. 但我知道该怎么做。 Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment. ||||||||||||||冲动||||| ||||||||||suficiente||||impulso||ruminar||| 研究告诉我们,即使是两分钟的分心也足以打破当时反复思虑的冲动。 And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought, I forced myself to concentrate on something else until the urge passed. |||||||||||||||concentrar-me||||||impulso|passou 所以,每当我有令人担忧、不安、消极的想法时,我强迫自己集中注意力于其他事情,直到这种冲动消失。 And within one week, my whole outlook changed and became more positive and more hopeful Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy, my brother had a CAT scan, and I was by his side when he got the results. ||||||||||||||||||||化疗||||||||||||||||| E|dentro de|||||perspectiva||||||||encorajador||||||quimioterapia||||||tomografia computadorizada||||||||||| Y dentro de una semana, mi perspectiva general cambió y se volvió más positiva y más esperanzadora. Nueve semanas después de que comenzó la quimioterapia, mi hermano se hizo una tomografía computarizada y yo estaba a su lado cuando recibió los resultados. Neuf semaines après le début de la chimiothérapie, mon frère a passé un scanner et j'étais à ses côtés lorsqu'il a reçu les résultats. 在一周之内,我的整个观点改变了,变得更加积极和充满希望。九周后,我哥哥开始化疗,他做了CT扫描,我在他身边听到了结果。 All the tumors were gone. ||os tumores|| 所有的肿瘤都消失了。 He still had three more rounds of chemotherapy to go, but we knew he would recover. |||||sessões||||||||||se recuperar 他还有三个疗程的化疗要进行,但我们知道他会康复。 This picture was taken two weeks ago. Esta foto fue tomada hace dos semanas. 这张照片是两周前拍的。

16:04By taking action when you’re lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won’t just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive. ||||||||||||||||||fighting||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||rany|||||||| ||agir|||||||||||protegendo|||autoestima||combatendo||||||cura|||feridas psicológicas|||||resiliência emocional|||prosperar 16: 04 Al actuar cuando te sientes solo, cambiando tus respuestas al fracaso, protegiendo tu autoestima, luchando contra el pensamiento negativo, no solo curarás tus heridas psicológicas, aumentarás la resiliencia emocional, prosperarás. 通过在孤独时采取行动,通过改变对失败的反应,通过保护自尊心,通过与消极思维作斗争,你不仅会治愈心理创伤,还会建立情感韧性,蓬勃发展。 A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. ||||||||higiene pessoal|||expectativa de vida|taxas de expectativa|aumentaram|||||||||décadas 一百年前,人们开始注重个人卫生,寿命期望在短短几十年内提高了超过50%。 I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene. Creo que nuestra calidad de vida podría aumentar tan dramáticamente si todos comenzamos a practicar la higiene emocional. 我相信如果我们都开始练习情感卫生,我们的生活质量可能会以同样戏剧性的方式提高。

16:42Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was psychologically healthier? 16: 42¿Puedes imaginarte cómo sería el mundo si todos fueran psicológicamente más sanos? 你能想象如果每个人的心理健康都更好,世界会是什么样子吗? If there were less loneliness and less depression? ||||solidão||| ¿Si hubiera menos soledad y menos depresión? 如果孤独和抑郁 menos 少呢? If people knew how to overcome failure? If they felt better about themselves and more empowered? |||||sobre si mesmos|||empoderados ¿Si se sintieran mejor con ellos mismos y más empoderados? Si elles se sentaient mieux dans leur peau et plus autonomes ? If they were happier and more fulfilled? ||||||satisfeitos ||||||spełnieni ¿Si fueran más felices y más satisfechos? S'ils étaient plus heureux et plus épanouis? 如果他们更快乐、更充实呢? I can, because that’s the world I want to live in, and that’s the world my brother wants to live in as well. |||||thế giới||||||||||||||||| 我可以,因为那是我想生活的世界,也是我兄弟想生活的世界。 And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well, that’s the world we can all live in. và|||||||||||||||||||| |||||informado||||||hábitos simples||||||||| Y si simplemente te informas y cambias algunos hábitos simples, bueno, ese es el mundo en el que todos podemos vivir. Et s'il suffit de s'informer et de changer quelques habitudes simples, c'est le monde dans lequel nous pouvons tous vivre. 如果你只是了解了一下并改变一些简单的习惯,那么,这就是我们所有人都可以生活的世界。

17:17Thank you very much

17:19 (Applause) aplausos