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What to say when words fail you part 5

Using Humour

by skyblueteapot

I am a very shy person and examinations, meetings and interviews are difficult for me. I have had to struggle with anxiety attacks in interviews, and it is not easy showing yourself in a good light when you feel as if you are about to have a heart attack. I have worried so hard about examinations that I have had a migraine and been unable to sit the exam.

I am not, therefore, an expert in being confident. I am, however, very good at sounding confident, which is not quite the same thing. I can give lectures and attend interviews and chat happily with strangers over Skype, and if I mention my jangling nerves, people assume I'm joking and laugh politely. That's because I use humour. It takes practice to use jokes when you are sweating and feeling light-headed, but it is an excellent way to seem relaxed, to make other people more relaxed and even to make yourself relaxed.

This seems a particularly unlikely strategy for university graduates because, surprise surprise, we've been told not to do it. We've been told that it makes us seem shallow, superficial and it looks like we are not taking things seriously. Hands up all those who told a joke in the presentation of their doctoral thesis! No-one? I didn't think so.

I'm not suggesting you dress like Beano the Clown and squirt the examiners with water from a trick flower. However, you might consider one or more of these strategies, to put yourself and your examiner (who is probably a shy person too) at ease.

1) Smile! Try looking happy to meet the person who holds your fate in their hands.

2) Make some jolly remark about the loveliness of the weather, the dazzling smile of the receptionist, the fact that you are wearing your nicest brooch today. In short, try not to act like a person being led to the electric chair.

3) Tell a personal anecdote, eg:
"I started learning Spanish because I fell in love with Antonio Banderas! I wanted to be able to ask him out in his own language if I ever happened to meet him."

Or:
"I went to France on a school trip when I was ten and on the bus I was sick on the teacher's shoes! It didn't affect my love for the country though."

4)Throw in a blatantly untrue fact:
"In my country everyone has the words of the National Anthem sewn into their underwear. If you forget the words while you are singing you are allowed to drop your trousers to read them."

5) Slip in some unexpected words
When I was at business school we used to play the Aardark game. In every essay, business report and examination script we dropped in the word "aardvark". Eg in economics:

"...so should the world demand for, eg, aardvarks increase while the supply (eg the wild aardvark population) decrease, the result will be an increase in the price of aardvarks."

When proceedings are getting dull I like to slip in a word like:
garden gnomes
dormice
roasted elk
My Grandma's Chilli Pickle

If you do this right you should see a puzzled frown flit over your examiner's face as his brain registers the unexpected word, then a smile as he recognises it as intentional humour. If the puzzled frown stays there, then he hasn't got the joke.

6) Make a self-depreciating remark
eg: I am 40 years old and therefore don't understand iTunes
I am British and therefore don't know much about sex
I am a woman and therefore know nothing about cars.

7) Get excited about something
The examiner's cool laptop, the curtains in the exam room which are EXACTLY the material you've been hunting for, the fact that your examiner is from Vancouver (it's the city of the GODS!) Chinese food is wonderful, Italian men are very sexy. It instantly turns you in the eyes of the examiner from just another examination candidate into a real, warm, flesh and blood person. It also helps you to speak more naturally and fluently. Try it sometime. Record yourself reciting facts and figures. Then record yourself describing the best meal you ever ate. See the difference? The examiner will.

Next article: sounding well-read.

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reposted from http://tracesofdodo.blogspot.com/2010/06/what-to-say-when-words-fail-you-part-5.html

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What to say when words fail you part 4

Examination tricks

by skyblueteapot

Many clever, thoughtful people, with an excellent grasp of the language they are studying, get very nervous about speaking in examinations. You can hardly blame them. The idea of answering questions from a total stranger, on complex topics that you get no advanced notice of, and demonstrating your full command of a foreign language, is a scary one. It is all the more scary if you we never taught to express your opinions during your education, but to memorise phrases and grammar rules from out of a book. What if I really have nothing sensible to say about global warming or the American economy? Just how stupid am I going to look?

Take heart. They are not expecting you to be a very clever person. If you are indeed clever, you can use this as your secret weapon.

First you need to recognise that a lot of the questions that examiners set students are actually quite silly.

Here's an example. The student must speak on this subject for two minutes, then answer questions for a further five:

"Has society become too dependent on modern technology?"

There are three problems with this question:

1) It is a closed question. You could answer it with "Yes!" "No!" or "Maybe", sit back and smile. The examiner now has to find an additional two minutes of questions.

2) The words "too dependent" tell you that it is a value judgement question. You can't properly answer it without considering how much, in your opinion, society should be dependent on technology, then consider how much society is dependent on technology, before you can say whether society is too dependent on technology. A fully-considered answer could take you 40 minutes, which you don't have.

3) It is a leading question, in that it directs you towards the answer "Yes". Many examination questions are worded so that either "Yes" or "No" sound like the 'right' answer. Graduates have been trained to argue both sides of an argument, so they prefer to answer "Well, it depends on your definition of....." which will take too long. You need to start your answer "Yes, because...." or "No, because...." and stop talking two minutes later.

If you think that the question is stupid, try to rephrase the question and then answer your question not theirs.

eg:

"Yes, we ARE dependent on technology, because....." You have lost the word 'too' from the question which changes it to a factual question. The examiner, if he is paying attention, will notice this and will ask you a question later, with the word "too" in it. That's OK. Knowing in advance what the next question will be will help you to control the question and answer session.

It would be useful to know some facts. Did you research world dependence on technology before the exam? No? Then you can make them up.

Learn these useful phrases:

"Statistics indicate that the number of people who regularly use [pick a technology] is increasing by ...% year-on-year"

"Government experts predict that by the year 2020. ...% of school-age children will own a [pick a device]".

"Some scientists believe that [pick a technology] will play a vital part in addressing the issues of global warming".

My Chinese student had assumed that she was supposed to memorise official facts and figures, and that she would lose marks if she got them wrong. She also thought that one side of the argument would be the "correct" one and that she would lose marks for not knowing which side she should be on.

Possibly this was realistic for her, given how the Chinese educational system works. Nevertheless, you will have a much better opportunity to demonstrate your language proficiency if you say something definite and controversial. Fortunately neither you nor the examiner needs to believe what you say. What's important is that you keep him awake and listening to you.

Eg:

"Yes we ARE too dependent on technology. The gods intended us to live in caves and hunt bears. We should all return to this lifestyle immediately or we are DAMNED!!!"

"No! Technology is vital to enable the worlds' governments to spy more effectively on other countries and their own citizens!"

"No! Our only hope of surviving climate change is to become MORE dependent on technology. Genetically modified foods are our future!"

"Ever since the invention of the stone axe man has been dependent on technology. Whether you approve of it or not, Homo Sapiens has always been and will always be a geek."

"Well, I'm definitely dependent on technology. If you tried to take my iPad away from me I might try to kill you!"

Next time:

Using humour.

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Letters from my cottage in England, Part 5

All hell has broken loose in the Forum.  It’s about religion, politics and sex. The only thing missing is money.  As I still keep to the old adage of not discussing money, religion and politics during meal times (the Germans perhaps didn’t know about sex in those days) I stay out of this ‘word fest’.  Some time ago, during another heated discussion about privacy, Steve compared LingQ to a banquet: we all were guests and everyone could see the delicious food and drink his seating partners chose. Everyone would take part and everything would be out in the open. That obviously also led to a lively exchange of posts.

You were right, by the way, even it was terribly rude of you to mention my weight to me. My spare tyre does need addressing. I shall hop onto my trusty steed in a minute. I don’t want to overdo it, though; once cycling round the block should be enough for the time being, I don’t want to hurt myself!

That reminds me of something: one of my neighbours injured himself rather spectacularly when he was changing his bed linen. He was about to pull the sheet nicely taut und put his hand rather deeply between the frame and mattress. Unfortunately he neglected to take his ring finger along. At the hospital they told him that this sort of injury would happen quite frequently in winter when women were trying to adjust something in their tight high boots.  Ouch!!

There’s been a development in our scandal. I might tell you about it in my next letter. Till then!

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The original 'Letters from my cottage' now in French Library

My ‘Lettres de mon petit cottage en Angleterre’ are now also in the French library. A huge MERCI to Marianne for recording them. The link to the collection is http://www.lingq.com/learn/fr/store/49532

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My submission to the Polyglot Project is in the German library

It's done: I have translated my submission to Claude's Polyglot Project into German and it's now in the German library (5 parts) The link to the collection 'Eine sehr widerstrebend lernende Frau' is
http://www.lingq.com/learn/de/store/49500

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What to say when words fail you part 3

Getting a moment to think

by skyblueteapot

A lot of people, answering a question in their native language, will get about five words into the answer before they decide what the answer actually is. It's called "putting the mouth in gear while the brain is still in neutral". People who have been to university, as well as people speaking in a foreign language, usually tend to wait until they have thought of their answer before they start to speak. If the speaker is shy or feeling anxious, they will then take an extra second to double-check their words before voicing them. Shy, clever, educated people speaking in a foreign language may need several seconds of processing time before answering a question even as simple as: "Do people in your country like dogs?" A silent period before answering may make your conversational partner think that you are stupid, ignorant of the language, drunk, falling asleep or in some kind of hypnotic trance. It may be a good idea to make some noise while revving up your brain.

Here are some suggestions for making the right kinds of noise:

1) Pretend you didn't hear the question.
"Did you say dogs or frogs?"

2) Repeat the question in a thoughtful voice:
"Do people in my country like dogs?"

3) Say "Mmm....."

4) Say: "That's a VERY interesting question! Let me think....."

5) Say: "Well, I'm not ENTIRELY sure, but I would say....."

6) Ask for clarification of the question.
"Do you mean that they like dogs in the sense of keeping them as pets?"

7) Turn the question back onto the questioner.
"Mmm....I'm not really sure.....how popular are they in YOUR country?"

8) Answer "No!" in a confident tone of voice.
The chances are that the questioner wasn't expecting that (people tend to ask questions expecting the answer yes). They will then ask "WHY don't people in your country like dogs?" Now you may have to.....

9) Invent an outrageous lie.
"Dogs were banned in my country about twenty years ago. We keep ferrets or very large hamsters as house pets instead." This sounds so unlikely that you know the questioner will ask you more about it. This is useful for controlling a question-and-answer session in an examination.

10)Tell a personal or family story.
"My grandfather was a famous dog breeder. He once sold a cocker spaniel to Stalin's aunt." It doesn't matter if it is only slightly relevant to the question, if the story is interesting you can get a couple of minutes of conversation out of it - again useful in examinations.

Failing that:

11) Admit your ignorance and move on.
"I have absolutely no idea I'm afraid. Have you another question you could ask me instead?"

This works best if the questioner doesn't know you:

12) State an opinion.
"Dogs? I hate dogs! They carry fleas and people spend money on them that they could spend feeding the homeless!" You don't really have to think this, just state something the other person is likely to disagree with and, again, you control the conversation for the next couple of minutes.

If absolutely desperate, you can always try:

13) The wildly unexpected conversation change.
"I don't know much about dogs. Incidentally, did you know that my country is world famous for producing a kind of cheese made from mouse's milk? Pavarotti wouldn't perform anywhere without a crate of it in his dressing room."

Next article: more examination tips.

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Reposted from http://tracesofdodo.blogspot.com/2010/06/what-to-say-when-words-fail-you-part-3.html

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What to say when words fail you part 2

by skyblueteapot

Understanding the Question

I used to talk to a lady from China who, despite many years of instruction couldn't speak English fluently. No matter how slowly and carefully I spoke, no matter how simple the question, two out of every three of my questions were met with silence. I then had to work through a list of possibilities: Can you hear me? Is there noise on the line? Do you want me to rephrase the question?

After a couple of conversations she had a very good idea. She read out to me a piece of English she had prepared earlier and it was excellent. Clearly she understood English very well, at least when it was written down. I recommended extra listening practice.

A few conversations later and she got braver. She admitted that when she didn't understand a question, she had no idea what to do about it. I suggested she LingQ and learn the following phrases:

“This Skype connection's terrible!”
“Can you repeat that please?”
“I'm sorry, I have trouble understanding your accent!”
“Could you say that more slowly please?”
“Could you please rephrase the question?”
“I don't know this word:....”
“What do you mean by the phrase......?”
“Let me check that I have understood you. Are you asking me.....?”

I said that, even in an English examination, there should be no penalty for asking to have the question repeated, and if the examiner has an unfamilar accent you may need them to slow down and maybe even use different words. I also thought that, even if you DID understand the question, you could ask to have it repeated to give you a few seconds extra thinking time.

“What if I need more thinking time?” she asked.

Well, I'll save that question for next time. For homework, please practise the phrase “This Skype connection's terrible!”

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Polyglot Project submission in German library

I have just finished translating and sharing the first part of my Polyglot Project submission into German. The remaining four parts will follow as and when.

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Report List, Speak Filters

We recently pushed a new list which allows you to view all writing and conversation reports for your account. This includes past conversation reports which have been difficult to find in the past. As well, tutors are able to access and edit past conversation reports. All in all, it's a much more convenient interface. Just click on the View Reports link on the Write or Speak pages to see the list. Of course, you can use the filters to isolate the reports you are looking for.

As well, we have added a Native Language and Country filter to the Speak page so you can now refine your Tutor search to look for Native Speakers only or to search for tutors from a specific country.

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My first addition to the German library

I have just added my first contribution to the German LingQ library, Briefe aus meinem kleinen Cottage. It's the translation of an imaginary correspondence which I originally wrote for my French tutor, the lovely Serge. The even lovelier Marianne is going to record the French version for me and then we'll have the letters in English, French and German in the library.

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